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No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes?
Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix. Just changed my Facebook name to 'No one' so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say 'No one likes this'.
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What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies? How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. Why did the blonde get excited after finishing her puzzle in 6 months?
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect. What do you call a bear with no teeth? I once farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.
I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
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If con is the opposite of pro, it must mean Congress is the opposite of progress? What do you call two fat people having a chat?
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My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. For anyone who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that's where the knives are kept. I used to like my neighbors, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi. Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
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Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? What's the difference between a smart man and a stupid man? They both think they know everything. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. I'm not saying she's fat. But if I had to name 5 of the fattest people I know. She'd be three of them. Stewart Francis - One Liners. Play for a chance to Win one of these Jackpots! The best of word play jokes, one liner jokes, short jokes, and puns.
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Who are the funniest people in the world? Indians. Here are nine jokes that prove it. When George W. Bush made his one appearance before Indian tribal leaders, they gave him his Indian name—Geh-ton-A-Mish. He asked one of his aides Everybody in your family works in the tribal casino. Every time.:
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They all agreed if one of […]. Three male work friends decided to take their wives on a gambling vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The gambling vacation week flew by […]. A dumb blonde was in a casino for the first time. A dumb blonde was in a casino for the very first time.
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the […]. Two blonde friends, Jenny and Jane, went together to play the slot machines at the casino.
The blondes agreed that when their allotted gambling money […]. There's a guy who lives in Ohio. What's the hardest thing about play mini baccarat? Telling your parents your gay! How do you get a professional poker player off your front porch?
Pay him for the Pizza. One Liners Love is gambling, not with money but with your heart. You can always get money back, but you might not get your heart back. If it weren't for the drug use, degenerate gambling, and drinking I would be a great catch.
Chuck-E-Cheese, because it's never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling I can support my gambling habit without a job, but I want one so I can support it even more. Girls are like blackjack, I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
More like Viva Lost Wages! My cat quit playing poker with the big cats at the zoo If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you.
Gambling Quotes Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Steven Wright Poker is like sex - everyone thinks they're the best, but most people don't have a clue what they're doing. Dutch Boyd If you're playing a poker game and look around the table and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you Paul Newman.
When a man with money meets a man with experience, the man with experience leaves with money and the man with money leaves with experience. ME Trust everyone, but always cut the cards.
The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation. The first guy says "I don't think I'll ever do that again! I just won a million dollar slot machine jackpot! Just so long as you're out of the house by noon! One night she decided to try not to wake him. She undressed in the living room and, put her purse over her shoulder, and tiptoed nude into the bedroom, but was surprised to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.
This peaks his curiousity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog.
Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing. However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player. Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players, "I can't believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world! Click Here to Bookmark Jokes4us.
Occasionally, the joke the same joke is on me. Most Native people I know realize that mainstream Americans have no idea Indian Humor, as it is called, exists. I get so tired of that," an Osage lawyer in Washington, DC told me, sighing, before returning to what she called her "roast beast" sandwich.
Non Natives ask me, furtively, "What do you call them? Well, because I'm not a them, I say Native Americans. Those who are them, though, generally call one another -- if the group goes beyond family, clan, or tribal affiliation -- Indians.
Here again, though, is joke opportunity. A Lakota woman told me an uncle often carried on about having been "just an Indin," as old folks tended to pronounce it, then figured he had to call himself an American Indian, then worked on being a Native, then Native American, then to keep all bases covered, identified himself as a Native American Indian, while going from being considered Sioux to Lakota.
At some point, he felt he should call himself "indigenous," too. His recital ended, life was much simpler when he was "just an Indin. Actually, the word Indian -- that nomenclatural mistake of continental proportions -- has been reclaimed. As some gays proclaim yes, they are queer, and some feminists identify as grrlz, so do some Natives write out ndn.
Where did the risible notion of Native Americans not having a sense of humor come from? Activities Sports Betting Gambling Horse races. They've opened up a new casino for people on welfare; when you put a food stamp in the slot machine and it lands on three babies, you win a block of cheese! First of all, if you are gambling and you've gotta get change for a nickel — it's over.
Activities Money Gambling Slot machines. Snake eyes is a gambling term… and an animal term, too. Activities Animals Games Gambling Snake eyes. Is this a game of chance? Definitions Money Gambling Stock market. I came home from the pub four hours late last night. During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?
The bartender thought about it. So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals.
After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle. The bartender was ecstatic. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!
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