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It feels as if nothing is safe, as if anyone can push their way into me. In my dreams, I am always afraid as there are men breaking into my home and there doesn't seem to be anywhere to go or anyone to protect me. My dreams speak to me about my life. My man used to make me feel protected from the elements, but he's not there for me now.

Well, he's around but not really with us as he smokes up daily and goes away on drinking binges. That's his idol, his seductress. She came into our life and ruined what we had. He was my best friend, my lover and my refuge from my deepest fears. His drugs have lured him away: We fight now and the darkness has found a way into our life like a thief who has robbed all of us of joy and meaning. We fight about petty things, right in front of our kids and I hate it.

I want to stop it, but I can't. I wish I could go back to a time when it was simple. Running Waters grew up in New York State.

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She lived in a neighbourhood where Black Americans predominated. She had no relationship with her real father but remembers a stepfather.

She remembers him to be a violent, controlling man and Running Waters grew into a very compliant and submissive child in response to the violence. Her fair skin was also a source of disgrace for her, as she was subjected to sneers and criticism from black peers.

I could feel within this woman a weeping child, crushed by the violence of criticism and oppression. She deleted aggression from her internal map: She remembers trying to blend into the walls, Gambling Casinos In Tunica Mississippi Flood no one would take notice of her.

The child within her felt a deep disgrace about her very being and it was this disgrace and unhealthy shame that eroded her very identity. The shame kept her silent; never voicing her opinion. Running Waters' belief was that a father protected the family and helped the children feel confident enough to move out into life and to find the path that lead to meaning.

This was her belief but not the reality she experienced as a child. Her stepfather was a violent man who drank and hurt both her and her mother. He had abandoned his fatherly duties and it seemed now her husband was following the same path. He was emotionally absent to both her and her kids.

Where are all the strong fathers? Who has taken them away? As children we long for father's arms to lift us up out of danger and to make real the belief that we can transcend the pain of life and conquer our fears. Father represents the masculine force that is an essential part to the life circle and balances the feminine force leading to harmony and wholeness. Father teaches us to do battle with the forces that would invade and destroy our integrity.

Father equips his children to move out into society and establish themselves with deep significance. He is the guiding force that helps the child bond and belong. Father supports a child along the path that leads to self-discovery and identity. Father directs his child to the mountaintop and shows her the world and says:.

His soft words, affirming the child's ability and self-worth, clothes the child in the power that is necessary to go out and find her place in life. It is the loving bond between father and child that enables the child to travel the path of significance. Father is like the shepherd, always there, who encourages the child to stand with dignity. He gives the family a sense of stability and it is this stability which Pokies Casino Verite Downloads Free the child develop her potential.

Running Waters did not have this experience with a father. The masculine force became, Pokies Casino Verite Downloads Free her, something she did not trust. Its association is with anger, violence, control and oppression. This dark, degenerative side of the masculine aspect ravages, demands submission and violates innocence.

I can remember my grandfather sitting in his big chair calling me over to him. Pokies Casino Queens used to play this game where he would slap my hand and I would slap his.

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I remember, though, standing in front of him with my panties pulled down. I can't remember any more, except my mother tells me that when she came to pick me up after three months, I was afraid of her, because she had Casino Knights In Oxnard me. I think I've always been afraid.

The fear makes me comply with whomever makes demands on me. I hear it say, "Submit, woman. You are my slave. It makes me grow layers around me, so I can protect myself from the world. I hide behind my weight; it serves as a barrier between myself and the world. I lived at my grandma's house and I can remember when she went to work, my uncle would come around. He was in his forties.

He would take me into the back room and undress me and touch my private parts. I complied -- submitted willingly; I was under his power. Then he would go out into the front room and play his guitar for a while and then take my cousin into the back room.

I see that cousin today and she has so many problems. There was no one to protect me; anyone could come in and take what they wanted. Let the fire change something within you.

Can you allow it to become your ally? Running Waters, can you walk back into the dream with a fire torch and stand between the man and your daughter? Can you listen to the fire burn and make it grow so that the man moves back? And I promise to find a place for you to heal; a safe place for you so your voice may return and so you may be restored to wholeness. Running Waters carries the woman to the forest. She builds her a log house which will hold her and the child. It is by the running stream.

The fire never goes out; it burns brightly, giving warmth and light. For about a year, Running Waters learns to live within the forest and is taught to care for the child by learning to discern what is safe and what is not safe for her.

She becomes aware that it is not safe when her husband smokes up, or goes away to get drunk.

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The abandonment constantly awakens her own childhood abandonment. Her man leaving her over and over causes unbearable pain for the child within Running Waters.

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Running Waters has a good stable job, as she is a clever woman. People can count on her to be there for them. She loves her daughters and wants them to have a better life than she had growing up. She does not want them to be subjected to violence and an alcoholic father, as she was.

She is beautiful and has a good soul filled with laughter and compassion. However, in a second her husband can reduce her to feeling worthless. I think I need a man to make me feel safe and protected," says Running Waters. He is your childhood, your fear, and your black peers criticizing you. He is your stepfather's violence as well as your grandfather's and uncle's sexual abuse of you.

He is your husband's control of you. He is the perpetrator that lives in you and needs to be brought into the healing light, so that he no longer controls you. Open the door, Running Waters, and speak. Find your voice that was cut out from you years ago. Bring him into the light of the fire. Let him be transformed into self-confidence. She prepared the ritual, inviting him in to sit by the fire.

She faced her childhood and rescued her lost child. She lifted her high into the sky so the eagle's feathers could cover her. She could hear the Spirit speak:.

One day, Running Waters came to sit Sands Casino Bethlehem Reviews me.

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She told me that she had left her husband. She took her children and moved out. I love him and I want him to heal; but I also love my children enough to take them out of an abusive situation. I feel shame when I see those old shacks.

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