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It feels as if nothing is safe, as if anyone can push their way into me. In my dreams, I am always afraid as there are men breaking into my home and there doesn't seem to be anywhere to go or anyone to protect me.
My dreams speak to me about my life. My man used to make me feel protected from the elements, but he's not there for me now. Well, he's around but not really with us as he smokes up daily and goes away on drinking binges. That's his Gratis Casino Verite Software, his seductress. She came into our life and ruined what we had. He was my best friend, my lover and my refuge from my deepest fears. His drugs have lured him away: We fight now and the darkness has found a way into our life like a thief who has robbed all of us of joy and meaning.
We fight about petty things, right in front of our kids Resorts World Casino Queens Ny Expansion Draft I hate it. I want to stop it, but I can't. I wish I could go back to a time when it was simple. Running Waters grew up in New York State. She lived in a neighbourhood where Black Americans predominated. She had no relationship with her real father but remembers a stepfather. She remembers him to be a violent, controlling man and Running Waters grew into a very Gratis Casino Verite Software and submissive child in response to the violence.
Her fair skin was also a source of disgrace for her, as she was subjected to sneers and criticism from black peers. I could feel within this woman a weeping child, crushed by the violence of criticism and oppression.
She deleted aggression from her internal map: She remembers trying to blend into the walls, so no one would take notice of her. The child within her felt a deep disgrace about her very being and it was this disgrace and unhealthy shame that eroded her very identity. The shame kept her silent; never voicing her opinion. Running Waters' belief was that a father protected the family and helped the children feel confident enough to move out into life and to find the path that lead to meaning.
This was her belief but not the reality she experienced as a child. Her stepfather was a violent man who drank and hurt both her and her mother. He had abandoned his fatherly duties and it seemed now her husband was following the same path. He was emotionally absent to both her and her kids.
Where are all the strong fathers? Who has taken them away? As children we long for father's arms to lift us up out of danger and to make real the belief that we can transcend the pain of life and conquer our fears. Father represents the masculine force that is an essential part to the life circle and balances the feminine force leading to harmony and wholeness.
Father teaches us to do battle with the forces that would invade and destroy our integrity. Father equips his children to move out into society and establish themselves with deep significance. He is the guiding force that helps the child bond and belong. Father supports a child along the path that leads to self-discovery and identity. Father directs his child to the mountaintop and shows her the world and says:.
His soft words, affirming the child's ability and self-worth, clothes the child in the power that is necessary to go out and find her place in life. It is the loving bond between father and child that enables the child to travel the path of significance. Father is like the shepherd, always there, who encourages the child to stand with dignity. He gives the family a sense of stability and it is this stability which helps the child develop her potential.
Running Waters did not have this experience with a father. The masculine force became, for her, something she did not trust.
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Its association is with anger, violence, control and oppression. This dark, degenerative side of the masculine aspect ravages, demands submission and violates innocence. I can remember my grandfather sitting in his big chair calling me over to him.
We used to play this game where he would slap my hand and I would slap his. I remember, though, standing in front of him with my panties pulled down. I can't remember Gratis Casino Verite Software more, except my mother tells me that when she came to pick me up after three months, I was afraid of her, because she had left me.
I think I've always been afraid. The fear makes me comply with whomever makes demands on me. I hear it say, "Submit, woman. You are my slave. It makes me grow layers around me, so I Foxwoods Casino Customer Service protect myself from the world. I hide behind my weight; it serves as a barrier between myself and the world. I lived at my grandma's house and I can remember when she went to work, my uncle would come around.
He was in his forties. He would take me into the back room and undress me and touch my private parts. I complied -- submitted willingly; I was under his power.
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Then he would go out into the front room and play his guitar for a while and then take my cousin into the back room. I see that cousin today and she has so many problems. There was no one to protect me; anyone could come in and take what they wanted. Let the fire change something within you.
Can you allow it to become your ally? Running Waters, can you walk back into the dream with a fire torch and stand between the man and your daughter? Can you listen to the fire burn and make it Gratis Casino Verite Software Silverton Casino Vegas that the man moves back? And I promise to find a place for you to heal; a safe place for you so your voice may return and so you may be restored to wholeness.
Running Waters carries the woman to the forest. She builds her a log house which will hold her and the child. It is by the running stream. The fire never goes out; it burns brightly, giving warmth and light.
For about a year, Running Waters learns to live within the forest and is taught to care for the child by learning to discern what is safe and what is not safe for her. She becomes aware that it is not safe when her husband smokes up, or goes away to get drunk.
The abandonment constantly awakens her own childhood abandonment. Her man leaving her over and over causes unbearable pain for the child within Running Waters. Running Waters has a good stable job, as she is a clever woman. People can count on her to be there for them. She loves her daughters and wants them to have a better life than she had growing up.
She does not want them to be subjected to violence and an alcoholic father, as she was. She is beautiful and has a good soul filled with laughter and compassion.
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However, in a second her husband can reduce her to feeling worthless. I think I need a man to make me feel safe and protected," says Running Waters. He is your childhood, your fear, and your black peers criticizing you. He is your stepfather's violence as well as your grandfather's and uncle's sexual abuse of you.
He is your husband's control of you. He is the perpetrator that lives in you and needs to be brought into the healing light, so that he no longer controls you. Open the door, Running Waters, and speak. Find your voice that was cut out from you years ago. Bring him into the light of the fire.
Let him be transformed into self-confidence. She prepared the ritual, inviting him in to sit by the fire. She faced her childhood and rescued her lost child. She lifted her high into the sky so the eagle's feathers could cover her. She could hear the Spirit speak:. One day, Running Waters came to sit with me.
She told me that she had left her husband. She took her children and moved out.
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I love him and I want him to heal; but I also love my children enough to take them out of an abusive situation. I feel shame when I see those old shacks.
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I feel shame when I see those old shacks. You are looking for your centre; the place where everything comes together. Your journey leads you away from the cold, hard cement of the city, the man made stuff, onto the dirt roads and the things that have been abandoned and left for dead.
The cement covers up the earth and your feelings. Nothing grows through cement. The old Indian man shows you where to go and you do follow him, even though you do not thoroughly trust him. Do you have a problem trusting yourself and your instincts? He leads you to a place where you are not comfortable and you are confused. Can you trust that the Creator is guiding you to a place within yourself which seeks to restore harmony and reconcile opposing forces of dark and light, hard and soft, male and female?
The tapestries on the wall suggest that perhaps the weaving together of these opposing forces will bring you to realise the harmony and beauty that dwells within you.
You are the artist and the work of art. It was an old Indian man who sexually abused me. Why should I trust any man? This old man lives in you; he is a part of you. He is not only dark, but contains the light of wisdom as he guides you to your centre, at your own invitation. He is the Trickster. Nothing about him is quite as it seems. He reminds you of your grandfather; but he is also a wise guide. Maybe he personifies all of your beliefs about men and the masculine force. For harmony, there must be intermarriage between masculine and feminine energy.
For that to happen, perhaps you need to trust all of yourself. Soon after, her daughter, Floating Words, came to see me because she had had a nightmare after they had moved.
Let the tiger take the gun and bury it. No more guns, Floating Words. You can stop hiding, because the tiger will protect you. Every family has a rhythm. The rhythm can harm or nurture the individual members. I could see that as Running Waters left her husband, a particular rhythm broke.
A pattern had started to shift. Floating Words now voiced something she could not say as long as the family stayed in the dysfunctional rhythm.
Dysfunctional patterns become destructive and self-defeating to members of a family. The child internalizes the violence between her parents and becomes a slave to dark forces. That is the message from Floating Words' dream.
As soon as the pattern shifts, everyone moves in response to the shuffle. The shuffling is the creative process at work. The price is high for Running Waters as now she will have to feel fully whatever her husband served to protect her from. I go away and I'm not fully present when things get confused. I avoid intimacy, never letting people get too close to me or they shall see me for who I really am.
I cannot risk the rejection that comes with intimacy. The dream awakens Running Waters' fear and the need for this very brave woman to shed her layers. That is the power of the snake and its innate nature.
Running Waters feels repulsed by the snakes, but our journey leads us to face our inner swamplands and our courage is born through, and in, the encounter with those forces that hold us suspended. For Running Waters, her fear holds her suspended. That fear was injected into her soul and heart through her abuse as a child and her abandonment by those she loved.
Healing and recovery guide us to walk through and feel the messiness of our human condition. To feel fully our poverty gives birth to a resurrected spirit. Running Waters' young spirit was broken at the hands of her perpetrators.
The snakes, those slimy things she was subjected to, have another side. If they are the slimy sexual elements they are also healing elements with the ability to shed their skins and enable her to shed her skins of fear, shame and sorrow.
Letting go of her skins is the work of the spirit and so the question is placed before her:. Running Waters makes her prayer to her Creator and places her hand in the paper bag. I can feel something pushing through a layer of shell and then I see her pull out of the round paper bag a tiny baby, pure and smooth, smiling up at the face of her mother.
Running Waters is very uncomfortable with the dream. She wonders if her husband is assaulting Floating Words. She feels the dream urges her to be more aware of the safety of her child. Then she allows the dream to just be. She does not want to manipulate it, but waits for the message the dream has for her.
I feel a deep sorrow move up and out from within some locked place inside of her. Running Waters' tears speak. I am a child who needs a father. I look to my husband to be my father. I want him to love me as a father. From the time I was in my mother's womb, a tiny fetus, I waited for my father to hold me. I searched for him all these years trying to find him in my marriage. I grieve never having a father. How I miss him! I'm always looking for him. Last week I found myself looking through father's day cards in a store.
For my father, I thought. Wherever you are, I love you. Please be proud of me and what I have accomplished. Wherever you are please send your love to me in the wind. I will listen for you, my father. This work contains powerful healing stories where the dreams and spirituality of First Nations women guide them on their path towards recovery and wholeness.
First edition published through a grant from the Aboriginal Healing Foundation in Running Waters The soft-spoken woman before me speaks about her pain. Father directs his child to the mountaintop and shows her the world and says: I can see her throat has been slit. There seems to be another woman with me, and my daughter who is 7 years old is also there. There is a man there and he is going to rape my daughter — I see she is nude. I scream, "Take me instead! We are not alone and we will learn to face our fear because the fire will help us.
A Dream I am in my home, but it is different. The front door is all glass and I can see that outside the glass door there is a black man standing, looking at me. He is trying to come in. The black man is like the night trying to come in again I feel fragile nothing between him and me.
She could hear the Spirit speak: I am leaving the building through the revolving doors and I notice there is a lot of cement leading out into the street. I am walking out onto the cement into the busy streets where people are moving about and there are lots of trolleys. I am looking around and I notice an old Indian man.
I go up to him and ask him which bus goes to the Indian Centre. He seems irritated by me and tries to shove me away, telling me to leave him alone. But I persist and say, "Hey, old man, please show me where to go! Where can I buy a token for the subway? I only want you to point me in the right direction. The old Indian and I are riding on a bus. I notice that his skin is very dark and his complexion is very rough, and he looks sort of sickly, like an old alcoholic.
Then, suddenly, the bus turns into a limousine, and he is wearing a tuxedo sitting next to me. It seems he is trying to lean on me, but I push him away saying, "Give me some space! I see old, abandoned shacks on the journey and notice how beautiful the countryside is.
Suddenly, we arrive at a huge square mansion. There are tapestries on the walls and everything smells of wealth. The mansion is filled with people I know: I feel very awkward in this mansion, as this structure is not what I am used to. It seems that all of us are facing in one direction and looking at something that is on the wall. Then I am led into another room and the old Indian man is there.
He tries to make advances on me. I reject his advances and say to him, "Why do you men think that you can just come on to women and think that women should submit? Running Waters, do you think that our path is guided by love? A Dream There is a man on the roof of a big, black car, holding a gun.
He is very angry. Another man is driving the car. Want to simulate the dealer making mistakes every now and then and either paying you out on a loss, or taking your money on a push or win? Want to simulate the pit bosses and casino security noticing your card counting, and watching you close? It's obvious he set his price point to be in line with the middle-of-the-road of casual novice gamers who are fine with Microsoft Solitaire, and those that make a lot of money playing blackjack professionally.
The amount of time and effort that apparently went into this game is well worth it. The market is fairly small, and the price has to be appropriate in order to at least be compensated for time. As a programmer myself, it is obvious that this game was written primarily for fun and to write a simulator for himself and friends I assume , and the author decided to market it to the public.
It's main target is hardcore blackjack players, plain and simple. It is elite software for blackjack. To those saying that the demo isn't fully functional, it is for the most part except that 5s are replaced with 6s or something like that. It's like that, because it must be crippled in SOME way, otherwise very few would buy it as it would be fully functional and as such, would be free ware at that point.
If you spent thousands of hours programming a piece of software such as this, and intended to try and at least recoup some of your precious time in the form of money, would you offer the demo completely uninhibited and fully functional with no form of crippling such as time limitation or some software issue like switching value of cards? I was on the fence about buying this software for some time, and had just seen it in the demo. I'm glad I did. Norm Wattenberger's book is excellent too -- if you want to read it for free you can on his site, or you can order the printed book like I did.
Definitely a great book, not as entertaining of course as many blackjack books although it does have anecdotes and such , but extremely educational. Between the software and the book I was able to branch out and learn more, and now play a LOT of casino blackjack at the "green chip" level.
Thanks for all the hard work, Norm. Was this review helpful? Highly recommended software for card counters. Right now a make money in the casinos. Always be aware you got a good penetracion on the table. Thanks a lot to QFIT. Not the flashiest but more than acceptable.
Game's got just about any rule you can think of, so if for some reason your favorite casino's not on the list, customize away. There are so many stats and tools, but beginners can ignore most of it. I wish there were a way to customize card-counting, which doesn't seem to be able to support simplified systems like Red 7. Oh, and it's a little pricey for the casual player.
Reply to this review Read reply 1. Company lies and says they offer a free demo. The only thing this program actually trains you for is the fact that Casinos are as dishonest as the creators of this program is. Of course the demo is free. There is no lie. The demo clearly states that Fives are replaced by Jacks.
This allows you to see and feel all the features for free before purchase. This software is filled with options for programming to learn new games, practice counting, exercises, stimulations. It's not inexpenisve, but it is good.
Can be hard to figure out, because it comes with no instructions. Still, it's mostly intuitive. After nearly every living BJ expert in the world rated CV the top BJ software, all of a sudden three anonymous people in two days give it a one rating.
This is obviously a competitor spamming Downloads. And the soiund algarythm There maybe some helpful tutorials, but this looks like it was designed in someone's basement. Reply to this review Read replies 2. This is not a shotem-up game with blood and gore.
It does not use cartoonish graphics. The reason that this software is rated number one by nearly every living Blackjack expert is that it is designed as a serious learning tool - not a game. The graphics are based on hundreds of actual photographs of real Blackjack equipment, not cartoon like drawn graphics. I used to have a talking blackjack game.. ONLY the other game had better graphics. Login or create an account to post a review. The posting of advertisements, profanity, or personal attacks is prohibited.
Select a version Casino Verite Blackjack 5. Overview Review User Reviews Specs. Free Spider Solitaire Download Now Secure Download. Editors' Review by Download. It takes a while to install this in-depth blackjack simulator, but it's well worth the wait. Casino Verite Blackjack contains multiple rule sets for hundreds of casinos all over the United States, the world, and the Internet. In addition, the options menu boasts one of the most helpful features we've seen: If you find the voice of Cassie, the dealer, too creepy, you can turn it off.
You can also alter the rules to fit your preferences--for instance, holding the deal until you've placed a bet. Beginners will appreciate having the option to correct their bad plays. We liked the convenient drills for practicing card counting and strategic thinking.
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